How To Play Sneaky Honky

by Michael Houghton and Kevin Jamieson

First, you have to gather some supplies. Find a wall that you don’t personally care about very much, preferably made of sheetrock or plywood. Spraypaint a bunny on it—we’ve provided a sterling example right here. Now, find a knife at the side of the road that was probably used as a murder weapon. Finally, buy at least 160 ounces of low quality malt liquor. Drink the liquor, and start throwing that knife!

Sneaky Honky rules:

1. Closest to apple and/or sticking in goes first.

2. The first target is “head”, second “legs”, third “ears”, fourth “apple”, much like darts. If you hit your target and the knife sticks in, you get to go again.

3. If your knife sticks, and is not within the bunny target, but is instead in the white space around it, you have performed a “sneaky honky”. The logic was that the white background was a snowstorm filled with albinos, sneaking up on the bunny. Don’t ask me to explain—it involved taking a break from working very, very late at night.

4. If your opponent finishes and gets to “apple”, you have one turn to catch up and tie. This very rarely happens, but damned if it’s not the most exciting thing before you pass out.

5. Tie breaker is sudden-death “apple” with no turn awarded to the other player once the apple is hit.

6. During both the “apple” and “sudden death” round, the other player has one chance per game to shout “Burroughs!”, and if the knife sticks into the head, the thrower has lost. This is what separates the professionals from the amateurs.

7. If the knife bounces back at you (as it has a tendency to do, and at high speeds) and you catch it in the air, you get to go again. This has actually been achieved many times and is the most ridiculous rule.

It’s not even worth explaining why this game is better than darts. For starters, when people ask what you do for fun, you can say “I get drunk and throw knives.” It really prevents a lot of unnecessary smalltalk.